Friday, December 31, 2004


Random thoughts:

Ever sneeze when you're driving? Scary.

Who the fuck takes Dr. Phil seriously?

My knob needs slobbing.

Don't listen to anyone who works at a Verizon store. They have no idea what they're talking about.

Winter sucks.

I like being Jewish.

Doesn't it just blow your mind how stupid this country is? Case in point: George W. Bush. Twice.

I'm all congested.

Gap knows what the fuck they're doing. They may have 6-year-old kids working 18 hours a day for mere cents, but at least they understand how annoying tags are, and just print their label on the back of the inside of the neck on the shirt.

Futurama is probably the most underappreciated show on television.

Life confuses me sometimes.

Girls are such an anomaly. They're the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.

If there were no girls, food would be the best thing that ever happened to me.

At some point in my life, I became unbearably lazy.


Merry New Year.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Great Moments in Hard Rock

(in no particular order)
1. The first 40 seconds of "Welcome to the Jungle" - Guns N Roses
2. Jim Morrison going crazy in the middle of the line 'break on thro--OH!" in "Break on Through" - The Doors
3. The guitar solo in "Johnny B. Good" - Chuck Berry
4. The riff that is "Cocaine" - Eric Clapton
5. The riff that is "Sunshine of Your Love" - Cream (Eric Clapton)
6. The riff that is "Layla" - Eric Clapton (Acoustic version)
7. Eric Clapton riffs
8. That part of "Stairway to Heaven" after the guitar solo, when Jimmy Page is rockin out all 'And as we wind on down the road' and stuff - Led Zeppelin
9. The insanity that is the lyrics to "Something in the Way", especially the part about drippings from the ceiling - Nirvana
10. 'Breaking rocks in the hot sun' in "I Fought the Law" - The Clash
11. When the drums come in halfway through "In the Air Tonight" - Phil Collins
12. The lyrics to "Bohemian Rhapsody", their thinly-veiled reference to Freddy Mercury's AIDS - Queen
13. That part of "Satisfaction" where the chorus comes in and everyone just starts rockin know what I'm talkin about if you've ever heard it - Rolling Stones
14. The moment the guitar solo ends and flows back to the melody in "Plush" - Stone Temple Pilots
15. When "Here I Go Again" finally stops being all bitchy and moany and gets fucking awesome - Whitesnake
16. When Jeremy bites the recess lady's breast - how could I forget? - in "Jeremy" - Pearl Jam
17. The feeling of "Walk This Way"...WITHOUT Run DMC - Aerosmith

Sunday, December 19, 2004 Maybe just stupid.

Got into Tulane a couple days ago. Fuckin' A. New Orleans is definitely the shit. But GW's still got the trump card of each dorm room having its own bathroom. That is too fuckin hot. Anyway.

Some people are too stupid to live. My homeroom teacher called me over to her desk the other day and handed me a detention notice from two days before. I asked her why she was giving it to me now when the only time it would have been of any use to me was at least two days ago. She actually looked me in the eye and said "Could you throw it away for me?" The best part is the trash can was literally within her reach. She didn't even have to get her fat ass up and do it. Stupid cunt.

Also, I got called down to the attendance office from my Latin class, which is pretty fuckin far to walk. When I got there, the double-digit IQ receptionist asked me why I didn't serve my detention on the seventh. I told her it was because it was scheduled for the ninth. She looked at me all weird, then looked back at the detention slip, pointed at the date I was assigned to serve it, and said "Look! I thought this was a seven." I stared at her in complete disbelief.

Another time my homeroom teacher told me she would have to mark me absent if I wouldn't give her a pen to mark me present. Another time I was late, and she yelled this fact to me from about 20 yards away. She then looked at the hall attendant who's supposed to mark us late and said "Don't let him in!" When I got up to the dude he looked at me and said "Go ahead." I walked in and she asked me if I got written up. I told her I didn't. She nearly had a fucking aneurism.

Fun stuff. I seriously question the authority my teachers are supposed to have when it's pretty obvious they have no idea what the fuck they're talking about.